The internet dating world is much more progressive than the "traditional" dating world. Traditionally, it's the man's responsibility to approach the woman. It's very predator versus prey. (I'll let you decide who's who.) Due to this tradition, I was hesitant to "make the first move" on the internet. However, clicking a button that says "wink" is no where near as bold as asking for a guys number in a bar. Plus, the website won't work if you don't work it, right? So, I decided to grow some balls and be the one to initiate the winking. I have come to learn that I get more dates when I reach out and message first. However, I have most recently learned that quality is better than quantity. Last Friday I had a date that started out promising but took me for a roller coaster ride.
His screen name was mrharmony and I liked what his profile had to say. It was somewhat romantic and I (being the helpless romantic I am) loved it. Plus, he was handsome. So, I sent a message. I always get right to the point when I send the first message. It erks me when a guy sends me a message asking so many questions that he could write my autobiography when I got done answering them. So, I sent him a message complimenting his profile, stating that it seemed like we were looking for similar things in a partner, and that I would be interested in meeting to see if there were any sparks. He replied back in agreement so we exchanged numbers and made plans. Easy peas-y! None of this pen-pal for six weeks bullshit just to finally meet and realize that we never want to see each other again. So, we exchanged some texts and he asked if I wanted to pick the place. I left it up to him.
Mr. Harmony decided to meet at moderately priced local eatery. I had never been to this place before but it was close to home and I've heard great things. So far, so good. We arrived, we met, we conversed, we clicked. I tend to gravitate to people like myself - outgoing, talkative, witty and sometimes sarcastic and Mr.Harmony was all of the above. He complimented on how good I smelt and when I told him that I was wearing play, we found out that we wear the same line of fragrance! Just as I started to think "this is going great", a certain gentleman waltzed past our table on the way to the restroom. I did a double take because I couldn't believe it. But, when I looked again, I realized that it was him. The last guy I dated. We dated for about six months and then he moved out of state so that was the end of that. However, we are still friends and I knew he would be in town that weekend. BUT - He just happened to be in town THAT weekend and decided to go to THAT local restaurant at the exact same time I was there. What are the odds? It's not like SAN DIEGO is a small town. There are plenty of other places he could have chosen to stuff his gullet that night, but he didn't. He chose this place. And there he was....and there I was....with this dude....on a first date off of a dating website.
I felt like Rachel in an episode of Friends where she and Ross just broke up and run into each other on a first date. So, I reacted like any other recently broken up sitcom characters would - I GEEKED OUT! It was my honest, and genuine reaction - I suck at being fake. I think I yelled "What the fuck? What are you doing here?". We hugged and I pulled myself together as quickly as I could. I clearly wasn't completely over him because I was flustered....and I had a hard time hiding it. I introduced Mr. Harmony to Mr.Last guy and they were cordial. But, when Mr. Last Guy bid us adieu, Mr.Harmony was not feeling the tune. He completely deflated.
I acknowledged the awkwardness, apologized, and we both agreed to move on with another round of drinks to drowned the embarrassment. I told him that we all have baggage but, like an airline, there is a weight limit and my baggage would be considered carry-on. He was impressed by my wittiness and willingness to get the conversation going again. So, I inquire about some of his baggage, it was only fair. He tells me that he eloped in Vegas about five years ago, the marriage lasted a month, and he teared up when he spoke about the passing of his father previous to the rash decision. Alright - level playing field.
But, it wasn't all sunny skies from there! Let me preface the next park of the story by telling you that, early in the conversation I asked if he thought it bad etiquette to speak about previous dates from the site. He did not and was happy to share stories. So, I am talking to him about the first guy I ever met and how he made it to the second date. As I am telling him the story, our server comes by to fill our waters. I am mid-sentence as said server walks away and I see that Mr.Harmony is once again a bright red balloon that I just stuck a needle into. I didn't understand what happened. He looked down, shook his head muttered something under his breath. I inquired about his reaction to....I wasn't sure what!
It turns out that he was belittled because I kept talking about a different date while the waiter filled our glasses. He felt like a fool because I didn't stop what I was saying, wait 30 seconds while a third party visited the table and then continued my harmless conversation that he recently deemed permissible! I needed to step away for a moment so I excused myself and went to the ladies room.
In the restroom, I took a moment to gather myself again. Twice now we have been having great conversation while smiling and laughing so much that my cheeks hurt when something happens that upsets him. I should have realized then that it was bad news. But, something about him still intrigued me. Plus, the food and drinks there weren't cheap. I am sure if he wanted to split the tab, my portion would have been almost $60 with tip that I wasn't prepared to pay for. (Hey, don't judge me - he picked the place, not me!) I just couldn't wrap my head around the reason he was offended. But, at that point, I just know how it made him feel was not my intention.
I sat back down at the table, the check holder and tab were laying in the middle of the table. I downed the rest of my martini, paused, then sighed and apologized. I let him know that I meant no disrespect. He fired back about how worthless intentions are and I replied with an analogy. "Imagine that you are Indian and you invited me over to your house. This is my first time meeting you and I know nothing about you or your culture and I walk into your house without my shoes on. Now, I have no idea that you never walk on your carpet with shoes on and meant no disrespect. However, you feel disrespected. If I apologize and take my shoes off, are you going to shun me still? Or, are you going to realize that I meant no discourtesy and forgive me?" He hesitate but then reached for his wallet and threw his card on the table. He remarked on how he didn't understand how I keep getting to him but it was working.
From there, we went to a small, dark, hotel restaurant that has live piano music. Of course "Mr. Harmony" loves Sinatra, right? He tells me how much he loves jazz and blues and we jam out to Robin Thicke on the way there. We order drinks and I open a tab (he wound up paying $100 with tip at the previous place - it was the least I could do). The conversation starts going well again. We are flirting, we are holding hands, we are enjoying the music. I ask him to dance and he refuses!! He refuses to dance in this hole in a wall, hotel piano bar because he cares what all of these people (who he doesn't know and will probably never see again) think of him. But, I was convincing and (to Mr.Harmony's dismay) we wind up dancing to "Angel Eyes".
All in all, I made up my mind that he was of those guys who acts really cocky in attempt to hide his own insecurities. It was the most fun, worst date I ever had. He wound up sending me a presumptuous message a day later and I told him to kick rocks. No big deal, there are more guys where he came from! Back to the site!
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